I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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