My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have feelings that need drinking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
