I wanna bring you to show and tell
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
