yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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