At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
