Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
