Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
