the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
