They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
