You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
