Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
