Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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