life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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