you guys were way drunker than both of me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize