FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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