how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
