Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
