You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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