Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize