Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
