evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
