I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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