I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
