TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
