Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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