After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
