I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
