so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
