If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize