dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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