my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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