he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
