Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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