i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
