So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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