Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
