Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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