Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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