get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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