that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
