I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My hand turned me down
My cat gives me a boner
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
