She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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