that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
