P.S. I can't hear my feet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
