I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i have two assholes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
