He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
