If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
