Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
