You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
