I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
