It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
