I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
