just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
