imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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