she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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