I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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