Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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