Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
