I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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