UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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