called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
