i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
